Bad Day

I started off my day with the worst morning ever!!! I'm clueless of what's going on with my life... I am always able to set my priorities right but not now... Frustrated... Could it be for I have not been able to focus on abstract future?? Or merely because I have just other shit in my mind... Eventually it's a bit of both... And two wrongs definitely WON'T make a right...
Right, I AM emo-ing at this moment... Which is the biggest reason why I'm blogging at this early hour... Yes, 9am is EARLY for I usually sleep my morning away and awake at noon... I'm still exhausted over the 3 days of outings... Saturday to KL then Pyramid; Sunday went for Japanese Buffet at Jogoya, JW Meriot Hotel, KL; Yesterday whole day at Starhill then night at Setapak... Want me to elaborate more?? Maybe next time...
I'm feeling a little dizzy, and mild headache... It feels like hung over, but I have not taken a single drop of alcohol yesterday... When more things don't turn out the way I want them to be, my life goes from bad to worse... Why can't local university be more efficient with the intake... I'm sick of waiting for one after another outcome of applications... CCM scholarship still no sound no picture, have obviously failed in YKhazanah and Shell... and no idea how's Y.Pahang... FED UP!!!
Yesterday went to PV6, Melati Utama, Setapak to celebrate Cheng's birthday and visited TARians condominium... A very basic space of living with basic needs of living... All I remember are matresses in the rooms, messy and unmade 'beds', cupboard for clothes, washed towels and clothes hanging in the living room and balcony, many study tables each with a pc/laptop on it... Waaaa, I sort of foresee my university life staying away from home...
Blogging is a good way to release the imbalanced.negative energy in me as I was so emo and moody just now that I feel like if I could just die!!! [no la, committing suicide is the last thing that will come across my mind, homocide will comes first] But now, after some typing and crapping, I sort of forgot what I'm emo-ing on... Well not exactly forget but the unpleasant feeling don't get on me that much now...
The biggest problem with me now is that I can't accept changes in things, life and people around me... This is just another period of transition in my life, when I'm changing from a high school student to an university student; when reaching a step closer or further to my dream; when I'm recovering from a relationship; but everything is so unstable that anything can change drastically in a blink of an eye...
Tomorrow if my appeal success, I'll be leaving to Singapore; if my appeal failed I'll stay local; local if I get USM, I'll be leaving ALOT of my friends and head to Penang; If I cant's get pharmacy in local, I'm going to SG and gamble my future; there're so many IF and I have to be physically and mentally prepared for each and every possible outcome which indirectly exerted a form of stress and pressure which are causing my depression...
Love wise, there's nothing much I can do for the time being... Facing seems to be the hardest way... Therefore I'm doing what I do best; escapism and ignorance... Time please fly faster, just let me have something to do and keep me busy away from thinking of you... Endurance and pride both has a limit, I have exceeded mine and I'm aware that more effort will bare no fruits, therefore I surrender... I hope I can stick to my vow for this time... Just this once...


mk.fallen