Happy 牛 Year!!

Aloha amigos~

Imma here to wish you guys a Happy Chinese New Year!!!

May you have a great year of Ox filled with happiness and prosperity everyday!!

Well well well... Have been visiting friends house for the past two days, this year, our troop of visiting has gotten smaller then ever, as many of us are diversed to different life now, having meeting new people... Some of us are busy with their own new friends... Speaking of that, next year most probably will not be meeting SuLing dear as she will be flying to Scotland this September... Gonna miss her so much...

Alright, skip the emo and sorrow during this delighted and blessed festive season. Coome back here, I was wondering should I continue blogging? For the fact that I don't really have time to blog, well as in producing a good one.. My blog is damn boring.. you can tell from this post itself.. i have little access to the internet in my hostel, thus lack updates in weeks, sometimes months!!

I'm entering the 20's Club in 3days, and I'm not sure whether or not I should be happy of it... This year I guess there will be no celebration for me... Cuz the date is so neither here nor there.. Nvm next year when i turn 21 i'll make a huge fuss out of it..

In deep confusion I am, sometimes feeling like I have never crawl out of that trap of past, yet at times I felt like i'm falling into another hole of fear...

Great.. shouldn't have thought so much...

mk_too much a thinker

Self Evaluation of the year

1 Jan 2009 - Thursday

I woke up in the morning in a self-hating mode. I hate myself for being so self-centered, self-devouring and selfish. I am always aware that one of my weaknesses is being too self-centered, so selfish to the point that I took others for granted without noticing that I did. Yet I did nothing to change, in fact I doubt that I can ever change… A joking question of a friend of mine strikes my head and kept me thinking over the things that I’ve done… Yes, I felt offended; offended by realizing how I have taken my friend for granted. I try to have him helping me to finish up what I can’t consume anymore. Even if my initial intention is to avoid food wastage, and since he has always portrait big appetite… and my excuses went infinitely, I don’t even felt like explaining myself back then, maybe because even I am not convinced by my lame excuses… I felt so bad on the spot, so embarrassed and shameful of myself, yet there’s nothing I can do but faking smile… Shit!! Another hypocritical act of mine…

Since my emotion had become rather unstable, chain reactions occur. I started to think of many other times that I have taken other people for granted, people that I love! [Reminds me of the song ‘If I were a boy’ by Beyonce] I had my mom waited for me in her car; I had him waited alone while I study for examination, and many more… For a person with pride like mine, it’s hard for me to accept the fact that I have such characteristics… Yes, I want to be a noble person with good personalities, remarkable social circle nevertheless to be everything that will eventually prepare me to lead a successful life, a life of optimum wellness. Then I started to wonder, from movies that I’ve watched, am I one of those ‘Mean Girls’?? That I am somehow over-confident, usually talk what I think without much considerations, sometimes too proud, at times offensive, occasionally mean and more…

I like being around friends, hanging out as a clique, then till I realize, when my close friends are not around, I don’t have girl friends to hang out, for I haven’t been very friendly to everyone… What is the right thing to do? Shall I entertain everyone all the time to portrait a friendly image?? I am no joker… What if I get tired? What if I’m not born an extrovert? What if I get moody? I don’t see why I need to entertain everyone at all time… Yet I feel like I’m doing it… As I blog, I try to search within my soul, asking who am I? What do I like? How I want to live my life? And that goes on, I believe in my life long learning process, these questions will never cease to appear across my mind and I will continue in search of my true self… With that I will end my moody day with a long sigh and start a new day, a new year now…

Happy 2009 peeps!!

mk