难

回顾过去叹遗憾，
放望未来惧不安，
止步当下空惆怅，
进退两难站亦难。

Happy 牛 Year!!

Aloha amigos~

Imma here to wish you guys a Happy Chinese New Year!!!

May you have a great year of Ox filled with happiness and prosperity everyday!!

Well well well... Have been visiting friends house for the past two days, this year, our troop of visiting has gotten smaller then ever, as many of us are diversed to different life now, having meeting new people... Some of us are busy with their own new friends... Speaking of that, next year most probably will not be meeting SuLing dear as she will be flying to Scotland this September... Gonna miss her so much...

Alright, skip the emo and sorrow during this delighted and blessed festive season. Coome back here, I was wondering should I continue blogging? For the fact that I don't really have time to blog, well as in producing a good one.. My blog is damn boring.. you can tell from this post itself.. i have little access to the internet in my hostel, thus lack updates in weeks, sometimes months!!

I'm entering the 20's Club in 3days, and I'm not sure whether or not I should be happy of it... This year I guess there will be no celebration for me... Cuz the date is so neither here nor there.. Nvm next year when i turn 21 i'll make a huge fuss out of it..

In deep confusion I am, sometimes feeling like I have never crawl out of that trap of past, yet at times I felt like i'm falling into another hole of fear...

Great.. shouldn't have thought so much...

mk_too much a thinker

爱的回顾

前两天，跟哥通电时哥提起了以下话题。
哥问：你会要找个爱你比你爱他多的，还是你爱他比他爱你多的人呢？
我答：从前的我会选择前者，但现在的我不会想去衡量比较谁爱得比较深，只要彼此相爱就足够了。

“只要彼此相爱”
看似简单的一句话，事实上真的那么容易吗？
为何不行？是自身的执著？或对爱的恐惧？
即使被爱，也得不到相爱，只因为不懂得如何再爱。

前些天，可能因为寂寞的灵魂对爱渴望；
对某人产生了微妙的情愫。。。
他跟他有许多共同点，
打从第一眼就已被那似曾相识的感觉吸引，
再慢慢地相知相识，发现他的人生观与我挺相近，
加上蛮不错的外在条件，对自己的眼光还沾沾自喜呢！
尽管友人对他误解与排拆，我坚信自己是他的伯乐。
日子久了，谈得较多，了解较深，
发现两人的爱情观隔天离地，
不同的是，我并不会怀着会有分开的一天的心情去开始一段感情，
如果打从一开始就有了结束的打算，我不懂开始的意义。。。
想了想，原来两人好像并不合适。。。

当时对他的错觉，让我写了以下诗词：

暗恋，
这种久违的心情，近来让他给唤醒，
目光总有意无意地瞄向有他的方向，
尽管表面上看起来是多么的不在乎，
但却如此清楚地听见他说的每句话。

别人对他赞赏时，心里也沾沾自喜，
别人对他误解时，也总帮他说好话。
会想靠近，却隔着遥不可及的距离，
会想告白，但更怕日后相见的尴尬。

自认健谈的我，在他面前总是词穷，
自认勇敢的我，瞬间变得胆怯懦弱。
是自尊心作祟，坚守矜持不得追求？
或自卑心搞怪，自知不才不敢高攀？

当你向着目标发奋时，是否知道我，
也为了更靠近你一点而默默努力着？
当我看着你的背影而忽视了全世界，
耀眼的你是否也看得见不起眼的我？

距离
听人家说，
世上最遥远的距离，是我在你面前，你却不知道我爱你。。。
又有人说，
世上最遥远的距离，是明明相爱，却不能在一起。。。
也有人说，
世上最遥远的距离，是隔着一颗心的距离。。。
那如果说，
两人之间隔着的，不仅仅是一颗心，那是多远呢？

喜欢，
喜欢看你的背影，
是因为不敢正视你的轮廓；
喜欢听你的声音，
是因为能感受到你的情绪；
喜欢说你的故事，
是因为可以炫耀你的骄傲；
喜欢想你的如果，
是因为那是我唯一能做的。

现在读一读，竟想不起当初是以怎样的心情写的，是不是我又成长了一些，得以从幼稚的感情中获得解脱？又或者是始终逃脱不了过去的枷锁，就连眼前的感情也想一并逃离？爱情的逃兵，究竟要当到什么时候？

那天他问了我一个问题：爱情与友情选一，你会选择哪一样？
不管问题是否包含暗示或试探的成分，我不加思索地选择了后者。
即使我的回答会让0.001%的可能变成不可能，我始终觉得友谊比恋爱来得实际。宁愿享受当朋友的快乐，也不愿贪婪恋爱一时的幸福而落得失恋的悲哀。这就是现下我对爱情的恐惧、抗拒与不信任。这种心情能让我连喜欢的人都放弃，更何况是没感觉的呢？

mk

女孩的困惑

困惑，
是女孩人生中的常客；
偶尔出现，让女孩懊恼不已；
偶尔消失，让女孩误以为已觉悟。

女孩不喜欢困惑的感觉，
那让她不知所措的心情；
但困惑这东西死缠烂打，
不断的纠缠那静止的心。

好不容易维持的风平浪静，
下一秒又掀起了狂风暴雨。
女孩不想再陷身风暴之中，
能不能帮个忙把它给赶走。

一朝被蛇咬，十年怕草绳；
曾让女孩遍体鳞伤的泥沼，
女孩决不轻易再泥足深陷。

总而言之的一句话：
原来女孩什么都不想要！

Lost...

Yesterday night when I was still happily joying over my admission to NTU, I checked my NUS application and guess what I get???

You have been offered Science in the academic year of 2008-09.

Gosh, life really do has it's ups and downs... Now what should I do???? What should I do???? I totally freaked out yesterday night thinking what the hell am I going to do next... And the more I checked, the more I feel like wanna bang wall... Appeal is only open in June. All this while I've been wanting to do Pharmacy in NUS and now seems like my dream crashed once again... Yet, NUS Science offers 15 majors which one of it is Food Science, i think...
p/s: Food science and Nutrition I likey!!!
On the other hand, for the Double Degree on Biomedical Science and Chinese Medicine offered by NTU, it is a 5 years course which the 4th and 5th year i'll be studying and interning at Beijing University Of Chinese Medicine (BUCM), not to be mistaken as the top university, Peking University... Which I'm rather worried bout the career prospects of this course... Plus I can't really get anything about BUCM on the web which makes me have less faith in the university... Then I checked alot bout hospitals providing CM, oh my I'm so lost again... Though CM sounds very interesting, but but but there's mamy circumstances that makes me not so keen on taking it...

I just wanna struggle for a few years more and live an easy life after that... Which, pharmacy seems to be one good option for that... If I were to stick with Pharmacy, local U seems to be my only option for the time being... Great!! Local U ain't that bad after all, I have more confidence to achieve my First Class Honour locally... Seriously... What should I do??

Option #1:
To take Science (4years), perhaps major in Food Science or Chemistry in NUS?? Come out as a scientist and endless lab-work?? Or work in a food company?? Or become a chemist??? Perhaps sales later...

Option #2:
Take Double Degree in BMS and CM for 3years in NTU and 2 years in BUCM?? Come out as a SenSei or Researcher in "East meets West" medications?? Have my own Herbal Shop perhaps?? Own a Acupuncture and Moxibustion Centre?? Or teach old people Qigong and Taiji???

Option #3:
Take Pharmacy, 4 years locally... come out serve the country for dunno how many years and become a community pharmacist and eventually own a pharmacy???

Option #4:
Take any option of above and get a perfect boyfriend and get marry become housewife... ***Bingo!!!***

Alright, just ignore option #4...
Advice, anyone????


mk